She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
