it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
