Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
