pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
