We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
