took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
