Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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