a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My pussy is not your playground.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
