You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
