There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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