so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
