I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
my liver is dry heaving
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
