He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
