We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
