I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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