At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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