"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
