i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
