Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
