Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
How naked do you want me to be?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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