No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
