It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
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Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
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Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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