Dude my mom stole all your condoms
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
