I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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