i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
