You work out of a Hotel?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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