So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
