my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
