Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
