You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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