I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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