I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
