I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
