Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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