I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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