I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
