I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
