I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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