dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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