Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
