Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Your dad touched me again.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
