dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
