you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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