I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
