Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
