my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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