Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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