well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
