Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
