right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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