you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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