Whod you bang
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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