Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
