and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize