I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
