just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
