The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
