no you cant smoke seaweed
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Randomize
