Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
