i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
