yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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