I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
