I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.