Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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