I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
