so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
