Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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