Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
