Got a toothbrush?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
