Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
