You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
