well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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