She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
