I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
