Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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