I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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