well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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