Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
